Northern Centre for Child Development

By Senior Psychologist Kim McGregor

Our children are first and foremost individuals who are developing in their bodies and brains, and they will experience normal fears which will change from infancy to adolescence. These typically developing fear stages differ from clinical anxiety in their severity, not in their quality.

Some examples of typical development in the context of fears include:

Infancy – loud noises, strangers, separation

Preschool – animals, the dark, monsters

Primary age – social, judgement from others, school achievement

Adolescence – social, judgement from others, relationship issues

Talking to your child about anxiety can include discussing that it is a normal emotion needed to survive, commonly expressed as fear or worry, and that we all go through typical fears. 

Everybody experiences anxiety differently – it is a subjective sense of worry, fear or distress and includes physical body sensations, thoughts, emotions of nervousness or fear and actions/behaviour. It is common (1 out of 10 kids) and is influenced by genetics, environments/modelling and life experiences.

Healthy anxiety is adaptive, keeps us safe, helps us to perform better and increases motivation while unhealthy anxiety occurs too easily too often, interferes with daily functioning, and may affect life enjoyment. 

If your child seems to be experiencing anxiety that is impacting on their daily functioning, it might be heading into ‘unhealthy anxiety’ territory. Try opening up a conversation with them about it. This will help them to realise that anxiety is normal (even helpful at times!) and there are things we can do about it when it all becomes too much.

As for what to do about it…..stay tuned for part two, where I will give you some tips and resources to help you and your child manage their anxiety more effectively!

Kim McGregor is a registered Psychologist with a Master’s degree in Educational & Developmental Psychology. She has worked extensively with infants, children and their families in not for profit, early childhood, specialised school and government multidisciplinary settings providing assessment, diagnosis and treatment for their developmental, cognitive, social, emotional and learning needs.

While Kim enjoys working with and celebrating all children as they grow and develop, her experience and interests include understanding the specific strengths, abilities and support needs of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, developmental delay, intellectual disability and learning disabilities to reach their full potential through comprehensive assessment.  

Her goal is to always work from a person centred and family focused partnership with parents providing clear communication, empathy and support throughout the journey of understanding and helping their child.  She incorporates evidence based therapies to support skill development, having trained in CBT programs such as The Cool Kids Anxiety program (Cool Kids) and the Secret Agent Society program (SAS) and in Positive Behaviour Support (PBS).

While Kim has spent most of her life in Sydney, she now enjoys all that Melbourne has to offer with her family and pets. 

As parents, each of us try our best to manage what seems like an ever-growing list of demands on our time and energy throughout the day. Now that school is back in session, re-establishing and maintaining those weekly family routines can be particularly challenging. 

While occasional rushing in the morning, pushes to get that homework done after school, and fatigue-riddled ‘goodnights’ are bound to happen from time to time, when they become the norm these transition points can end up feeling like a chore rather than an opportunity for connection that can support our child’s emotional development.

As young people can experience so much in a given day, one way to support your child’s emotional wellbeing and processing is to engage in calm connection with them during these important 9 minutes of the day:

The first 3 minutes after they wake up:

• Rather than… abrupt wake-ups and racing through breakfast
• Try starting off the morning with cuddles and talking about what we might be looking forward to most today (conversation cue cards can be a great way to get started)

The first 3 minutes after they get home from child-care or school:

• Rather than… letting them rush to their screens, asking about homework, or greeting them from another room
• Try greeting them face-to-face, sharing a snack with them, and talking about the ups and downs of the day – starting with lighter questions (e.g., what was something that made you laugh today) can help a young person replay the day in their minds, which can mentally prepare them for tougher questions (e.g., what was the most challenging thing you had to do today, was there anything that upset you)

The last 3 minutes before they go to bed:

• Rather than… sending them to bed on their own or immediately leaving after tucking them into bed
• Try talking about what they were most grateful for today, asking about the best part of their day, and sharing some words of encouragement – supporting them to feel seen, heard, and valued can be a great way to end a long day (even if we lost some of our patience during that night’s prolonged bedtime routine)

It’s just 9 minutes to greater connection and a sense of calm for all. Give it a try!

“How to help kids cope with uncertainty in another pandemic year”

It’s hard to believe that we have entered our THIRD year of the COVID-19 pandemic! It has completely turned our lives upside down. Our kids have done a remarkable job thus far of adapting to all the changes, but it’s only natural that their sense of security and stability may have been rocked of late. After all, we know that children thrive on predictability and routine… things that have been sorely missing in the COVID-19 era. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in having ended 2021 on a very different note to how I ended 2020. I remember sitting at a work Christmas function in 2020, where we all mused about how those lockdown days were behind us, and how amazing 2021 was to be. As well all know, that was sadly a naïve attitude to have, and one I no longer had when 2021 wrapped up! The only thing that is certain is uncertainty… which is scary. 

So how do we support our kids to buffer whatever 2022 decides to throw at us? Here are a few suggestions: 

• TALK: Encourage your child to talk about what they are thinking and feeling and validate whatever that might be. Some children may need assistance in labelling the emotions they are experiencing (e.g., “I’ve noticed that your tummy is sore before you go to school. Are you feeling nervous?”)
• CONSISTENCY: As much as possible, try to ensure consistency at home in terms of routines and schedules.
• PREPARATION: Prepare your child for how school may look similar to, or different from, last year. This might include discussions around wearing masks, having air purifiers in the classroom, or that classmates or teachers might be away.
• CONTROL: Encourage your child to focus on what they have control over; that is, their own behaviours, such as wearing their mask correctly, taking their RATs as instructed, and washing their hands regularly.
• WHAT WORKED BEFORE? Remind them of the difficult situations they have already managed in the past, and what they found helpful at those times.
• THEY’RE NOT ALONE: Emphasise that the adults around them will be trying their best to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible. No matter what, their parents, teachers and other caregivers will be looking out for them.
• ADAPT: Let your child know it’s okay to be disappointed when things don’t go to plan and have to be cancelled. Talk about how you might be able to reimagine these events or do something special at home instead.

Good luck to all the parents and children out there getting back to ‘COVID normal’ education. I hope these tips help you all to “expect the unexpected” and get back on-track if we temporarily veer off-course!

I’m guessing many of you have been dealing with the back-to-school jitters from your kiddos in recent weeks. From young to old, the transition of a new year is often an exciting, but also nerve-racking time. This year, the level of anxiety may be even higher due to the ongoing COVID outbreak and potential disruptions that this could bring. There may be concerns about the possible return of remote learning, teachers and classmates becoming ill, and having to not only find but regularly take RAT tests (I don’t think any of us will get used to sticking a swab up our nose!)

When children are feeling anxious about upcoming transitions, they can present with a wide range of behaviours, including withdrawal, isolation, hitting, shouting, irritability, avoidance of school-related topics or routines and many more. Sometimes your child may seem to regress in certain areas (e.g., reverting to bed wetting when that hasn’t been an issue for them in a long time).

If you have been observing an increase in some of these behaviours in recent weeks, it may be that your child is feeling anxious about going back to school.  And let’s face it, some of these behaviours can be hard to cope with, especially as we grown-ups manage our own worries!

So here’s my one piece of advice to help YOU help your children through this tricky time:

“BE THE ROCK”.

What do I mean?

Well, we know that children are like sponges – they watch and soak up information from adults even when we don’t know they’re doing it! They are often watching our reaction to help them gauge how they should feel.  Think about the classic example of a young child who grazes their knee and turns to their parent to see if they should burst into tears or dust themselves off and keep going! This means that we need to be mindful of how we respond to challenges and what behaviours we display. 

So what we do we do?

When we receive challenging news or are faced with a situation that sparks worry, we can try the following:

• Go outside and take a few deep breaths before giving an emotional response
• Debrief with another adult out of our child’s earshot before we discuss our feelings about a difficult situation
• Ramp up our self-care and allow our kids to see that we prioritise sleep, exercise, relaxation and leisure to help us regulate our own emotions.

What does this NOT mean?

It does NOT mean that we stifle or try to hide our emotions. It does NOT mean that we lie about how we’re really feeling.  Rather, we make sure that we have had an opportunity to process our difficult feelings appropriately, so that we can talk openly with our children in a calm and measured way and can be fully present to meet their emotional needs.

It is absolutely appropriate to let our kids know that we too feel worried and anxious, but our behaviour needs to reflect a sense of calm. We can then reassure children further by explaining what we are doing as adults to cope with our worries. These coping strategies might include:  focusing on the aspects of the situation that we can control, practicing mindfulness meditation, talking to an adult or practicing gratitude.

In short – try your best to BE THE ROCK, even if inside you’re more like a ball of jelly! It’s tough, but it will help your kids feel confident and keep their own anxiety at a manageable level.   

Mindfulness sometimes seems like the quick fix and the “flavour of the month”. However, when practised correctly and regularly, mindfulness is proven to have many benefits for our mental and physical health. Research indicates that mindfulness can reduce stress, rumination (cycle of anxious thoughts), and can increase working memory, focus, emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility.

 “The purpose of mindfulness is to bring ourselves to the present moment, to be aware of our surroundings, to notice our thoughts and feelings in a non-judgemental way”. 

There are many ways to be mindful and finding what works for your child can seem overwhelming and at times expensive. That’s why I’ve included some of my favourite free relaxation resources for kids: 

1. Mrs Honey Bee & Friends – Youtube Channel: A range of relaxing bedtime stories for children to listen to while they fall asleep. Interest focused topics including Minecraft, Frozen, Lego and Disney.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCozPyIkCLat_4-RUWn7E-Rw

2. Insight Timer – App: A  variety of free mediations including bedtime stories, yoga, body scans and breathing exercises. Some of my favourites include the Superhero meditation 1, 2 & 3 and the “Parents” section. 

3. Cosmic Kids – Youtube Channel: Hosted by Jaime Amor, a Youtube channel full of interactive and child-friendly yoga, mindfulness and relaxation videos. You can also purchase their app if you’d like more content.  https://www.youtube.com/c/CosmicKidsYoga/playlists

In a year filled with lockdowns it can be tricky to keep coming up with creative ideas to keep the kids occupied! So, faced with another 5 weeks of “I’m booooored, what do I do?” I thought I’d come up with some local ideas for those in Melbourne to keep the boredom at bay!

Disney: The Magic of Animation Sensory Friendly sessions

This exhibition features over 500 exceptional artworks including original paintings, sketches and concept art that have been specially selected by the Walt Disney Animation Research Library in Los Angeles, California. These rarely seen works reveal the development of beloved stories and animation techniques from your favourite Walt Disney Animation Studios films and shorts, including Mickey Mouse’s first talkie, Steamboat Willie (1928), films such as Fantasia (1940), Sleeping Beauty (1959), The Little Mermaid (1989), The Lion King (1994), Frozen (2013), Moana (2016), Frozen 2 (2019) and Raya and the Last Dragon (2021).

The ‘relaxed visit’ sessions are suited for visitors with ASD, sensory sensitivities or anyone who would benefit from a quieter and less busy setting. These sessions give you a chance to explore this magical exhibition in an environment that suits you and your children.

When: Sat 8 & Sat 15 Jan 2022. 10–11am

Jurassic World by Brickman

A Lego Lovers delight- Ryan ‘The Brickman’ McNaught (from Lego Masters) will unveil an epic, world-first exhibition at the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre (MCEC). He transforms Jurassic World — the blockbuster franchise from Universal Pictures and Amblin Entertainment — into an immersive must-do adventure that will be the largest LEGO® brick experience in Australian history. Visitors to Jurassic World by Brickman® begin their journey by walking through the iconic 4-metre-tall Jurassic World gates to experience the Isla Nublar. Find more information at: https://exhibition.thebrickman.com/

Shaun the Sheep’s Circus Show

Everyone’s favourite sheep takes over the iconic Sidney Myer Music Bowl stage this summer. Academy Award winning studio Aardman and internationally acclaimed circus company Circa bring Shaun the Sheep to life. Shaun the Sheep’s Circus Show combines Circa’s awe-inspiring acrobatics with the playful charm of the multi-award winning TV series. Performing in an open-air theatre for the very first time (COVID-safe!) see these two worlds collide in an ingenious adaptation for all ages. https://www.artscentremelbourne.com.au/whats-on/2022/kids-and-families/shaun-the-sheeps-circus-show

Funfields park (including sensory friendly event)

Visit Victoria’s Biggest Theme Park, only 40kms from Melbourne. With Awesome Rides & Attractions, including NEW Dragon’s Revenge Swing Ride (Now Open), NEW Pegasus Sky Bounce ride & NEW Mystic Kingdom coming soon! Funfields is also home to Volcano Beach Heated Wave Pool and 3 ProSlide World Record Waterslides; Kraken Racer, Typhoon & Gravity Wave & many other wet & dry rides including Re-Imagined Amazonia Falls, Pirate Ship, Go Karts, Alpine Toboggan Slide, Mini Golf and so much more.

Special Sensory Friendly Event: Tuesday 12 February 10am- 4:30pm For Info & Tickets > http://www.funfields.com.au/familyday

Melbourne Museum – autism friendly resources

Melbourne Museum explores life in Victoria, from our natural environment to our culture and history. The Melbourne Museum has something for the whole family thanks to their permanent eight galleries, including the children’s gallery for babies to 5 year olds. The Melbourne Museum is also an autism friendly museum. Partnering up with AMAZE, the Melbourne museum has created a range of social stories and sensory friendly maps to assist their visitors get the most of their visit. https://museumsvictoria.com.au/melbournemuseum/visiting/access/the-autism-friendly-museum/

ArtVo

ArtVo is an immersive art gallery or ‘trick art’ gallery – the first of its kind in Australia.Unlike a traditional art gallery or museum, visitors are encouraged to touch and interact with the artworks, photographing themselves and becoming part of the art. With over 11 themed zones, visitors can explore large interactive 3D artworks painted directly onto the walls and floors. Additional sculptural elements allow visitors to immerse themselves into different scenes, locations, and famous paintings. For more information visit: https://www.artvo.com.au/

Vincent Van Gogh at The Lume Melbourne

Stepping into THE LUME Melbourne is an epic adventure into art. Australia’s and the Southern Hemisphere’s first permanent digital gallery transforms the world’s finest art into fully immersive sensory encounters. The walls come alive as light ripples across every surface and masterpieces come to life. Curated tastes, aromas and a choreographed soundtrack add thrilling new dimensions to this 360-degree experience.

Explore, play, dance and marvel as every surface becomes an animated canvas: floors, walls and guests alike. Be transported as familiar landscapes become moving images that tower four storeys tall, while you wine and dine in the heart of the gallery. Create your own journey, linger where you please and be delighted by new perspectives on iconic artworks.

THE LUME embarks on its first adventure with a fantastic trip through the vibrant works of Vincent van Gogh. Surprises await in this symphony of colour, sound, taste and aroma. Get ready to experience the captivating world of Van Gogh in a whole new light. See https://thelume.com/melbourne/ for tickets and information.

With the summer holidays swiftly approaching some of you might be starting to scratch your heads, thinking about new and creative ways to entertain the kids over the break. 

See below for 3 art and craft activities you could try that also have a therapeutic element to them.  (Hint: they’re cheap and often use things you already have lying around the house!)

Calm Jar

Used for: Emotional regulation. 

Calm jars provide visual sensory stimulation, in turn providing a calming and distracting effect. They can be added to a sensory toolbox for your child to help them regulate when feeling emotionally heightened. Search “Calm Jar Instructions” to find a step-by-step guide and list of required materials.

DIY Board Game

Used for: Emotional regulation, social skills, conflict resolution, gameplay etc. 

You can tailor the theme of the board game however you please. Search “blank board game template” or create your own.  Some themes include: feelings (think subtle emotions as well as more common ones), scenarios to develop social skills; colour-coding according to the zones of regulation, or coping skills.

Worry Box

Used for: Anxiety

Delaying worries that aren’t urgent can help children to take some control over their thoughts so that they aren’t all encompassing. Using an old shoe or tissue box, decorate and turn it into a personalised worry box. Spend time with your child writing down their worries on some strips of paper and put them in the box overnight for safe keeping. The next day, go through the worries with your child and remove the ones that are no longer on the child’s mind. They can also add any new ones that might have come up. 

We’re writing this from Melbourne so no doubt there will be some rainy days over the break where these activities might come in handy! In the meantime, gather your empty drink bottles, glitter, and cardboard scraps in preparation!

Body image refers to the thoughts, emotions, attitudes, and beliefs we have about our body. As people travel through childhood and adolescence, their bodies undergo rapid and dramatic changes. It’s not surprising therefore that some young people may have mixed feelings about how their body is developing and how they look.

While many us may experience some body image concerns from time to time, for some young people, these concerns become highly distressing. Pervasive body image concerns can influence a young person’s self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-worth. These can all contribute to experiences of disappointment, guilt, and shame. It is therefore valuable to identify these concerns early to foster mindsets and a culture of positive body image for the young person…..and within the family unit as whole.

If you’re wondering what to look out for, here are several potential red flags amongst young people who may be experiencing body image-related concerns:

• An increased interest in food and counting calories;
• Cutting out certain food groups and no longer eating previously enjoyed foods;
• Increased focus on body weight and shape, as well as sudden changes in weight;
• Excessive body checking (e.g., weighing, mirror checking) or actively avoiding body checking;
• Avoiding social situations that involve eating in front of others or when body image may elicit anxiety (e.g., swimming);
• Often talking about body image (e.g., thinness, muscles, physique) and comparing one’s own body with others; and 
• Other compensatory behaviours (e.g., excessive exercising, skipping meals, using smaller plates/bowls, eating more slowly than usual, purging).

While professional support can be paramount in addressing body image concerns, parents and caregivers also play a key role in fostering favourable body image in their children. Some tips that can foster positive body image in young people may include:

• Modelling positive body image (e.g., acceptance of one’s body despite flaws, focusing on the health and function of the body rather than how it looks, seeing beauty in the diverse range of appearance and internal attributes);
• Avoid appearance-focused commentary (e.g., making positive or negative comments about appearance that can encourage young people to heavily focus on how they look). Instead, focus can be on internal characteristics such as personality, effort, hard work, kindness, good listening etc.;
• Avoid diets and unhealthy weight control practices (e.g., encouraging eating and exercise behaviours for health gains and mental wellbeing rather than to elicit weight and shape changes); and
• Having open conversations about body image concerns (e.g., normalising changes that occur during puberty, challenging messages that reinforce weight stigma and a diet culture).

Grandparents play such an important role within the family unit. They also have so much to teach children from their incredible life experience! Many grandparents often want to connect with their grandchild, but are unsure what to do, or say. Here are some tips to support you:

General Strategies: 

• Have a general understanding of their diagnosis and how it relates to the child. Ask the child’s parents to relay important information about the diagnosis to you. What do you need to know about the child and how they engage with the world? 
• Encourage independence. Children quickly learn who will do things for them and therefore won’t do these things. The more a child can be independent (within reasonable expectations of age and ability) the more they will thrive as they become older. 
• Let your grandchild lead and teach you things. Take an interest in your grandchild’s game or current interest and follow their lead in play.

Communication 

• Our neurodiverse kiddos often take longer to process information, so give them 10 seconds after you speak to process the information and respond. 
• Use brief and concrete instructions rather than lengthy sentences with too many words.
• If your grandchild requires an additional means to communicate such as visual or sign language, use that! This will assist them to understand what you are saying.
• Offering a choice of two options rather than picking anything you like. Choosing from a small amount of items helps to reduce feelings of confusion, overwhelm and stress of making the wrong choice. 

Behaviour

• Children will use adults around them to help regulate themselves. When a child is upset or angry, yelling at them will also escalate their behaviour. Use a calm but firm tone with your grandchild so they can understand the situation and respond appropriately. 
• Identify their triggers to emotional outbursts or coping mechanisms and help the child to regulate themselves. Engage in some sensory games or relaxation techniques to assist with calming your grandchild.
• Have clear and consistent expectations and boundaries when it comes to behaviours. Set expectations so the child knows what to expect and what is not ok in your home. 

Most importantly, focus on your grandchild as the unique person that they are, not their diagnosis. Show the child love and affection as you would with any of your grandchildren. And above all, have fun together!

Loss can present in many ways and children will experience many kinds of loss throughout their lives. While some losses can be tragic and monumental such as the loss of someone or something they love (e.g. a family member or pet), others can be positive and include developmental and transitional stages (e.g. transition to school or to a new friend group). 

Today, children are also experiencing loss related to episodes such as an accident, environmental occurrences such as bushfire; changes in their educational environment such as the transition to online learning and the loss of face to face teaching. They may even experience changes such as illness in family members or in their community. 

Children will process loss in their lives in relation to their development, their age, past experiences they have to draw on and how important the loss is to them. How we respond and support them through the stages of loss will assist them to process and express the changes in a more helpful way. 

So how can we help? As adults we can do the following to support a child feeling loss and dealing with changes with courage: 

• Understand that children observe and sense more than we know

• Offer your time, attention and comfort in a safe and appropriate place to talk at an age appropriate level using concrete words (eg. keep the language simple)

• Listen carefully to their story, how they explain their thoughts and feelings to you which may be through talking, play or drawing

•  Take note of their behaviours. Their behaviours may represent a range of strong feelings including shock, panic, anger, anxiety, confusion, or excitement and overwhelm

• Be available for questions and discussions

• Be open that every child will react differently. Offer security and predictability by maintaining family routines where possible

• Follow your child’s lead to make time to express themselves at their own pace: to retell good memories, use art or whatever medium they choose to document or tell the changes and loss with courage

Kim McGregor is a registered Psychologist with a Master’s degree in Educational & Developmental Psychology. She has worked extensively with infants, children and their families in not for profit, early childhood, specialised school and government multidisciplinary settings providing assessment, diagnosis and treatment for their developmental, cognitive, social, emotional and learning needs.

While Kim enjoys working with and celebrating all children as they grow and develop, her experience and interests include understanding the specific strengths, abilities and support needs of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, developmental delay, intellectual disability and learning disabilities to reach their full potential through comprehensive assessment.  

Her goal is to always work from a person centred and family focused partnership with parents providing clear communication, empathy and support throughout the journey of understanding and helping their child.  She incorporates evidence based therapies to support skill development, having trained in CBT programs such as The Cool Kids Anxiety program (Cool Kids) and the Secret Agent Society program (SAS) and in Positive Behaviour Support (PBS).

While Kim has spent most of her life in Sydney, she now enjoys all that Melbourne has to offer with her family and pets.