Northern Centre for Child Development

Surviving Homeschooling…

Amanda Abel, paediatric psychologist

So, Day 1 of ‘homeschool’ or ‘remote learning’ is happening right now. I can’t lie, it has been a challenge so far at my house. And we are only a few hours in…For many parents, the anxiety surrounding not actually knowing what we are doing in advance, not knowing the expectations, and having to manage an academic curriculum along with our other responsibilities (i.e. work; other children etc.) is not making this process easy. But no one said it would be easy, did they? I know how important it is that we all stay home to stay safe, so I’m determined to make this home schooling business work for both my daughter and me!

I read a helpful article in the paper about it and have a few take home messages along with my recommendations which I hope will help those of you sharing this crazy journey with me…

Firstly, they (the educative powers that be?!) have said that the school day isn’t something that can be replicated at home, and parents shouldn’t try to replicate it. My take on this – lets not set ourselves up for failure. Flexibility is going to be required – if we want to start earlier, cram it in to a specific time frame, take more frequent breaks, reward our child for persistence with breaks etc. then that’s what we will do!

Secondly, it was noted that the official schoolwork day (at home) will involve far fewer hours (than at school). My take on this: What we DON’T need to do is start at 9 and finish at 3.20 and fill those hours with torture for the mere sake of it! What we need to remember is that things take A LOT longer in a classroom. Teachers have 20-odd students and their individual needs to be addressing, which means there are a lot of periods of ‘downtime’ and waiting and breaks. Have you ever been parent helper? I have, and I can vouch for this! So – what might take a few hours at school, could potentially be smashed out at home in 30 minutes in an interruption free environment…

Another point was the importance of not ‘stopping’ learning altogether so that students don’t fall behind in foundation areas – things like maths and reading. This makes sense and it also lends itself to us ensuring our kids try to keep up with these important areas in our own way. Being gentle with ourselves and our kids is going to be essential.

To quote the article: “It’s not about parents becoming teachers. We’re asking them to help with setting up a space – for younger children that should be somewhere near an adult because of cybersecurity – and we’re asking them to ask about the work that children are doing. Say, ‘What have you done there? Explain that to me. What did other people do? What did your teacher say?’ – the kind of stuff you would say after school. My take on this – not sure if this is how it is actually going to play out for many of us, but it’s good to know the expectation.

Fundamentally, I believe we need to keep the home schooling experience in perspective. As the article said, If some gaps in learning do occur, teachers and schools will identify them and make up for it and, “in the grand scheme of 13 years’ education, it is not going to be the end of the world”.

My personal biggest concern is the impact this is going to have on YOUR mental health as a parent – and that of your kids as well. My tips around this are:

Preserve your sanity – don’t set yourself up for failure, just stay afloat and if you don’t get through all the learning tasks, that’s fine and probably expected.
Set realistic expectations for yourself AND your child
Be flexible – yes I know I’m always banging on about being consistent, but now I want you to bend that a bit. What works today may not work tomorrow with your kids, and that’s okay. It’s normal. But keep trying different things and don’t beat yourself up or feel like you’ve failed if things aren’t going according to plan.
Let balls drop – now is the time to practice being okay with things being less than perfect…in all domains of your life.
Put some structure in place – for your sanity and that of your kids. Structure your ‘school day’ as broadly as you need to – this is the one thing to try to stick to so make it doable. It might be breakfast – play – learning time – break – learning time – break – learning time – finish. You can then be as flexible as you like with what slots in to each of those breaks and learning times.
Expect behaviours – we are doing things differently. Our kids sniff this stuff out like there’s no tomorrow and they will try to push the boundaries. And we will probably cave because, lets face it, we are juggling about 10 balls in the air at the moment and sometimes saying yes to playing Minecraft when you’re supposed to be naming percussion instruments (which mind you, your mum who studied music at a tertiary level -yes that’s me, can’t even name!) is just going to have to happen sometimes.

Lets just try to get through this, remembering that it will pass. There might be some positives for some, but I know for many of the families I work with this period of homeschooling is going to be incredibly hard. Please reach out for help guys.

Wishing you all luck and please let me know how you go!

Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, and founder of Northern Centre for Child Development (NCCD) and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development (HCCD) – multidisciplinary paediatric practices in Melbourne. Working directly and indirectly with hundreds of clients each year, Amanda’s mission is for every child to achieve their best outcomes by equipping families and educators with the tools they need to help kids thrive.

Amanda is media trained, appearing on Channel 7 and 9 News and regularly features in print media. As a contributor to Finch Publishing’s “Working Mums” book, Amanda shared her insights about juggling a business and parenting.

Amanda draws on her own experiences of being a parent along with her extensive training and well-honed skill set to get families thriving. Having worked with families for almost two decades, as a psychologist for the past 11 years in a variety of settings, and a valued board member of the Autism Behavioural Intervention Association, Amanda loves building the confidence of the adults in the lives of children so that they can connect meaningfully, help them reach their full potential, and live a life that reflects their values.

Amanda frequently presents at both academic and parenting events, most recently at the 7^th Learning Differences Convention in Melbourne and Sydney in 2019 as well as many other events hosted by PR companies in Melbourne.

Have you seen our founder Amanda Abel’s new online school for parents? It’s called The Psychology Room and her first course has been lauched – The Good Night Toolbox – with tools for parents to help their child get to sleep at night. Check it out here!

Staying sane (or close enough to it!) during home isolation.

By Madeline Sibbing (Psychologist)

A few short weeks ago, my family took off for a holiday to New Zealand, something we’d been looking forward to for ages. Little did we know that, in the ten days that we were away, the world would completely change under our feet!

Thus, we returned home (with a few cheeky toilet rolls stashed in our luggage) to two weeks’ mandatory home isolation imposed by the government for all Australians re-entering the country – followed pretty much immediately by stage 3 restrictions. For those who are feeling a little lost and overwhelmed at the prospect of weeks or months of isolation, here are my tips. As the government has just announced that Term 2 is likely to be taught remotely for most children in Australia, some of these tips might be handy if you’ll be trying to work from home AND home-school your kids…

Madeline’s sanity-saving strategies for home isolation with kids:

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. It’s just simple maths. Having kids to entertain plus paid work to complete plus school work to get through plus social connections to maintain plus bills to pay plus jobs to try and keep in the current economic situation plus worry and uncertainty………EQUALS STRESS!!!!!! We can’t do everything. Trust me, I tried and it doesn’t work. As I discussed with a lovely client of mine today, what will our children remember in the future from this unique time in their lives? The times tables that they learned? The adjectives they used appropriately in sentences? OR, the connection and closeness they felt with their families? The bedroom fort they made and played in with their siblings each day? The ritual of sitting together for dinner each night with no rush and nowhere to be, whilst Dad tells bad jokes?
Try and stick to regular sleep-wake times and meal times. I mean regular and NOT regimented. Keeping our body clocks and ‘tummy clocks’ ticking along nicely means our bodies are well regulated, thus reducing the chances of emotional outbursts due to tiredness and hunger. Further, when it’s time to return to our normal working/school lives, our bodies are already in an appropriate routine.
For parents who are working from home: “Do not disturb” signs for the study door work a treat. Get your kids involved in helping to create a sign so they know when parents are in meetings and cannot be disturbed. Make sure you get up and take the sign down when meetings are finished (even if you are still in there working) and put them back up when you really can’t be disturbed. This allows the child to exercise patience and wait for your attention until you are available (not a bad thing to learn) AND it gets you up and your legs moving briefly in between online meetings.
On that note, a little list of activities to get through each day can be helpful for kids whose parents are unavailable due to work for many hours of the day. Once again, I do not mean you should make a daily schedule mapping out each hour of the day! Just sit together as a family and make some agreements about what needs to be completed each day and who is response. Eg. we all get dressed and tidy our rooms. Each day we do a bit of exercise, some reading and our nightly dance party before dinner. (Of course the day can involve a lot more than that, but these are the basic things we want to try and get through each day).
Self-care is key. No doubt you will have been flooded with suggestions of free exercise programs, meditations and yoga poses you can do at home. Find what works for you. For me, after a long day of telehealth sessions my muscles really need to move, so doing my dance classes online has been a saving grace! Sure, my kids think it’s hilarious when I jump around doing hip-hop in the backyard but frankly, who cares? I’m modelling self-care and showing them the importance of taking time for myself to nurture my body and mind in a way that works for me.
Reflect on how you want your life to be. I love the quote currently doing the rounds on social media that states “In the rush to return, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to”. Personally, this time of isolation seems to have given me something I’ve needed for a long time: slow paced days and connection with my family. It seems crazy to me now that I’ve been desperately trying to find ways to achieve these things for years now and it took a worldwide health crisis for me to finally do it! I definitely think this will help me to re-prioritise my responsibilities going forward, and hopefully bring a bit more balance into my world.

I hope this helps and gives you all a bit of permission to slow down, connect with each other more and get through this crazy time buffered by the laughter and love of your families.

Madeline Sibbing is a Paediatric Psychologist with a Master of Educational and Developmental Psychology from Monash University. Her fifteen years of professional experience has been attained within government and independent schools in assessment, therapeutic interventions and consultation with children, adolescents, parents and teachers. She also developed primary prevention programs, mental health awareness activities and teacher training in a secondary college. Madeline spent several years working as an Educational Psychologist in London, UK, as a Chartered member of the British Psychological Society. She is a registered supervisor with the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency, supervising Masters of Psychology candidates and newly-registered Psychologists.

Consistently described as an engaging, down-to-earth and knowledgeable therapist, Madeline obtains enormous joy from working with children and young people… as often evidenced by the sounds of laughter and silliness emanating from her therapy room.

stock image credits: Charles Deluvio on Unsplash;

Entertaining the kids at home during COVID-19

Amanda Abel – paediatric psychologist.

To be honest, the thought of potentially self-isolating or worse, being in quarantine, for days or weeks on end, is literally creating a physiological sensation of anxiety that I have not felt since the early post-partum days. One of the things I’ve worried about is that my daughter (a very active 7 year old girl going on 17!), also an only child, could find being home-bound a little tough which in turn would make things tough for me. I’m also trying to run two paediatric psychology practices (not without its own concerns during this COVID-19 period) and potentially educate said child if the school closes down! Although I’m okay with my child having some TV and a very small amount of iPad, I don’t want to fall into a habit of using these for days or weeks on end to keep her entertained. Many kids will struggle to self regulate if they’ve had too much screen time and it’s just not healthy for them anyway.

But like most things, if we’re feeling anxious a good way to move through it is to regain a sense of control.

There are in fact heaps of ways to keep your kids busy while you’re stuck in isolation or quarantine. But my recommendation is to sit down and think about it first and try to have a plan or a list like what I’ve created below.

The best way to extend many of these activities is to get your child to plan it out first. This is a good way to develop your child’s executive function skills and it helps them slow down and think about what they want to achieve. They can write or draw the plan first and then start executing it if you think that would be helpful for them.

These activities could be used simply to keep kids busy, or if you are in the unfamiliar home-schooling territory now, these activities would be great for breaks or motivators – a reward for getting some of their work done. If you need ideas re educating your child at home during school closures thanks to COVID-19 see my post here.

So this is what I’ve come up with for some creative screen-free ways to keep the kids busy:

Create a treasure hunt
Camp in the backyard – even if just during the day
Make an art gallery down the hallway where the children need to create the artwork, then hang it up with blu tack
Set up a ‘car wash’ – they could clean your car, their bikes etc.
Have a movie day with popcorn and Netflix. Darken the room and make popcorn boxes out of paper or cardboard. The kids could even make tickets and set up a sales booth!
Keep the recycling and build cities with the boxes in the backyard (or inside)
Paint the fence with water and a paintbrush or roller
Take the chalk outside and decorate
Make a drum kit out of containers or pots
Make a tent under the dining table with a sheet
Make a cartoon flip book
Make a boredom box – put lots of ideas for things to combat boredom written down on paper in the box and they do a lucky dip when they say they’re bored.
Listen to kids podcasts
Play eye spy
Set up a tub with water and bubbles/soap and encourage some water play – not just for the younger kids! The older kids might be interested too, especially if you put lego or something similarly motivating in the water.
Cut a pretend TV screen out of an old cardboard box and set it up so your child can pretend to be a newsreader or TV character
Make playdoh
Give them a simple recipe to follow
Set up a restaurant and get the kids to prepare simple meals (sandwiches; dips and crackers etc.) for you. They can design the menu and signage as well.
Have your child research a topic like a different culture or country. Get them to draw the flag and write 3 facts about each country.
Set up a hair salon
Get the dress ups out and set up a fashion boutique
Reframe little household jobs into games i.e. get them to clean your makeup brushes!
Design a theme park
Make a zoo in the garden (or inside) with the soft toys, also make up tickets and a map.

My daughter got wind of what I was typing and she has decided to add some of her own ideas below…

Play with your toys
Read a book
Play with a ball in the backyard, or if you live in an apartment use your apartment backyard or the nearest park
Make a toy school with the soft toys
Pretend you’re a superhero – tie a towel around you to make a cape
Make dress ups for soft toys out of old clothes

So, good luck to all the parents hoping to stay sane over the next few days, weeks or months. Stay healthy! Follow me on instagram if you want more frequent tips!

Home-schooling during COVID-19

Amanda Abel – paediatric psychologist

Most parents I speak to at the moment are feeling pretty terrified not only about COVID-19 but also about potentially having to home-school their children with looming school closures on the horizon.

While I haven’t personally home-schooled my child before, I definitely have some ideas that I know would assist with the potential challenges associated with educating your kids at home.

Tips to make the ‘school’ days easier with your child home during COVID-19

Use a visual schedule to structure the day – simply write a list of what’s going to happen and roughly when (you don’t need to include times if that’s going to hard to stick to)
Factor in movement breaks so they can burn off energy – movement helps many kids focus so having breaks every hour or so will be required.
Get creative – practice skills in different ways i.e. writing in the dirt outside, using sticks and leaves for maths, cooking to practice maths skills, getting your child to write a review of their lunch to practice their writing etc.
Use a “first this then that” system to keep motivation high i.e. “first we’ll do writing, then we can have a picnic outside”. You can even write this down to show the kids that there’s something fun on the horizon once they’ve finished their work.
Use token systems to keep your kids on track and show progress through the day. You might give points for positive behaviour and once they earn 10 points they get a break for example.
Use time timers to show how long various tasks will take – these are great (there are apps on the phone as well so you don’t need to go out and purchase anything) because they help show kids that time is passing which is super helpful if they’re doing something boring and you don’t have the authority of their classroom teacher to keep them on track!
Set up an area of the house for school work – keep it distraction free, tidy and organised. Many families won’t have enough space so consider rearranging furniture for this period of time or utilising spaces like the dining table. You can keep all the school work and materials in tubs which can be packed up at the end of the day so that the dining table can be used for its intended purpose again!
Set blanket rules like ‘no tv until after 3pm’ and stick to them from the start so that you don’t end up having battles around screen time every day. This is likely to be the biggest battle for many parents because kids are accustomed to having screens at home – and with their school and home worlds colliding it will be hard for them to understand why there are now different rules. Setting a clear expectation and being consistent with it is the kindest way to make things predictable for your kids, as well as easier for yourself in the long run.
Limit screen time to avoid issues with sleep amongst other things and if your kiddo struggles with sleep try these ideas.
Stick to a routine and keep it predictable – this links in with using a visual schedule but even if you don’t use one, keeping things predictable means your kids are less likely to feel anxious and consequently play up.
Set up house rules to make everything clearer!
Get the kids as active as you can – make sure they are getting enough exercise and activity even if it’s running up and down the hallway if you can’t go outside.
You might also find this post helpful which I wrote about making school holidays easier as it has tips about how to manage at home during an unstructured time.
Keep your mindset positive – remember it’s not forever, and we are all doing our bit to minimise the impact of this virus.

Good luck parents! As always, get in touch if you need more support during this time – our team of psychologists are available via phone and video call if you’re unable to get in!

Follow Amanda on instagram for more tips each day

Talking to your kids about coronavirus

Written by Amanda Abel – paediatric psychologist and founder of Northern & Hawthorn Centres for Child Development

Well it’s pretty hard NOT to take notice of the toilet paper that’s flying off the supermarket shelves along with hand sanitiser and flour right now. What are your kids saying about it? I wonder what their thoughts are? What have you said to them? Have they asked any questions?

If your kiddos have seen the news, which lets face it, has had pretty graphic imagery of drastic measures being taken to control what is now an epidemic, they might be feeling a little nervous about catching coronavirus. Add to the equation, parents and caregivers encouraging the hand sanitiser a little more than usual, and we are left with some kiddos who are probably pretty confused and anxious.

Here are my tips and thoughts to manage parenting through the coronavirus epidemic without causing undue stress for your kids:

Limit exposure to the media – This is the same as for any disaster, don’t let your kids see the tv or newspapers if you can. Particularly primary school children who don’t have the reasoning skills to understand how this is likely to impact their lives. Remember, the child brain is far less developed that your own. If you are struggling to comprehend the coronavirus epidemic, how do you think your kids are feeling? Unless you are able to censor the coverage and sit down and talk your child through it in an age-appropriate way that helps them understand it, don’t expose them to the media coverage.

Don’t talk about it too much – again, at risk of repeating myself with my piece about the recent Australian bushfires, don’t initiate too many conversations about this. Your kids don’t need to hear the adult perspective of coronavirus and how many deaths there are, what the fatality rate is, and how it started. Contain your anxiety, answer your kids’ questions in terms that are appropriate for them to understand, and focus on more relevant and real issues for their daily life (i.e. homework, friendships, what’s for dinner!). Don’t make it taboo to talk about, but also don’t focus on it.

Talk about Likely Vs Unlikely – I use this a lot clinically to help children with anxiety. We talk about perceived threats and try to put them into perspective. I.e. “it’s unlikely that you’ll catch coronavirus right now”. OR “you might catch coronavirus, but it’s unlikely that it will be any worse than a case of the flu like you had last year” etc. As parents, we need to remember to put things in perspective too, and be rational so that our kids don’t pick up on our anxiety.

Give them some control – if your child is really worried, show them how they can follow rational medical advice to help ease their anxiety. At the time of writing, the medical advice is suggesting we focus on washing our hands properly as a preventative measure for contracting coronavirus. Encourage your child to put some measures in place like washing their hands when they get home from school and before they eat. Let them know that this is a helpful way to manage their feelings of stress.

I hope these ideas help, it can be really hard to navigate disasters and epidemics as parents – so reach out for help if you need it.

Amanda Abel, psychologist, is the founder of Northern and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development. She has over fourteen years’ experience working with families and has a special interest in paediatrics, autism spectrum disorders, developmental delays, learning difficulties, disabilities and behaviour management. She has worked in a variety of settings in both the public and private sectors which has allowed her to gain extensive experience helping a wide range of clients.

While working with children witih Autism during her tertiary studies, Amanda developed a particular interest in early intervention for children with autism, developmental delays, disabilities and challenging behaviours. Amanda’s honours thesis investigated the social skills, friendship expectations and attention of high functioning children with autism, and this was presented in 2004 at the 3rd Autism Spectrum Disorder Research Forum, Melbourne.

After her own experience becoming a mother, Amanda undertook the Circle of Security Parenting® (COS-P) training and is now a registered COS-P parent educator. She has now combined her knowledge of behaviour modification with the attachment principles from the COS-P program to provide families with practical strategies that are sensitive and responsive to their child’s emotional needs.

What you need to know about sibling fights – and how to handle them!

If you’re anything like me, you may soon be reaching the point of the holidays where your children are fighting like cats and dogs and the sound of squealing and whining almost has you running for cover.

First point: you’re not alone!

Why? Because ALL siblings fight. Yes, we all know it but sometimes we forget just how normal this behaviour really is. I know I sometimes have visions of my empathic, angelic children sharing, offering to help each other and working collaboratively……..but the cry of “Mum, he hit me!” snaps me back to reality pretty fast!

All children fight because all people in loving relationships fight. Arguments, disagreements, differences of opinion are a simple fact of being in a family. Of course, for children this is amplified due to the fact that they are still learning how to negotiate these conflicts. Not only that, they are still in a more egocentric phase of life than we adults are. In other words, they find it hard to see past their own desires and to be as empathic and flexible as we can.

So in summary, expect fights. They will happen!

The question is how to handle them when they occur.

Many of us have learned the hard way that playing referee rarely works. Or it doesn’t work for long. What it does achieve, however, is draining our emotional reserves and making us frustrated also!

Here are a few tips to help you manage the remainder of the holiday period:

Notice and praise caring, loving behaviour when it occurs. And BE SPECIFIC – eg. “I can see your brother really felt happy when you shared that donut with him. Well done!”
Try and schedule in some individual time with each of your children. Filling their cup in terms of quality time with each parent will help to stave off those conflicts that come from competing for your attention.
Keep the interest high. Easier said than done over a 4-week break, but keeping the kids engaged can help reduce boredom and thus, fights. Remember that activities do not need to be expensive! A super-mum I know recently did a “playground crawl” with her kids in her local suburbs – she mapped out 7 local playgrounds, set a timer at the start of each one and when the alarm rang, they jumped back in the car and raced to the next one! Kids had an absolute ball (and so did that Mum!). Google can provide lots of activity inspiration, but also things like having a picnic in the backyard, everyone choosing a book and reading in the sunshine, going on a bushwalk, making homemade icypoles, attending your local library holiday program, are all inexpensive ways to keep busy.
Finally, keep your expectations low and BACK OFF. While engagement and activities are great, this also needs to be balanced with down-time. Children need to learn how to occupy themselves when they feel bored. If every minute of their day is scheduled, they won’t know how to sit with quiet, how to let their minds wander or develop creative games. So when you’re feeling mentally tough – back off and leave them to it. It will help them in the long run!

Madeline Sibbing – Psychologist

Madeline is a paediatric Psychologist based at Northern Centre for Child Development in Preston, and a mum of two whose parenting advice comes not only from her work, but the mistakes she has made on her own kids! Since she can’t be a hip-hop dancer, she figures she has the best job in the world and loves learning from the kids she sees at work every day!

How to tell if your daugther might have Autism Spectrum Disorder

Once upon a time (not too long ago), experts thought that autism spectrum disorder in girls was rare, and if it was present, was most likely associated with an Intellectual Disability and extreme behaviours of concern. Research however has taught us that ASD in girls is much more common that originally thought, and that the current 1:4 ratio of girls to boys diagnosed with ASD may still be missing many girls. There are numerous reasons for this, with the greater ability to imitate and ‘mask’ their symptoms meaning that girls tend to be older when they are diagnosed (if at all).

As a clinician assessing for the presence or absence of ASD, we look for several traits. This can include difficulties with social communication, including difficulties with non-verbal communication (e.g. eye contact, body language, gestures etc.), difficulties in understanding and maintaining relationships with others, and not always being able to read the emotions of others or pick up on social cues. We also see if there are any repetitive behaviours present, such as repetitive speech patterns or body movements, difficulty coping with change, an intense interest area or being hyper or hyposensitive to sensory input from the environment. How these difficulties manifest in girls can be subtle.

Some possible ‘signs’ of ASD in the female population include:

Being the ‘model student’ at school but having intense emotional outbursts once they get home.
Being intolerant of change, especially when it is unexpected.
Disliking grooming, such as having their hair brushed, particularly as they approach puberty.
Seeming bothered by bright lights or certain smells or tastes.
Seeming to tire easily.
Preferring to play alone, or when they play with others try to dictate the rules. They may also adopt a passive role and rely on another child to guide them and speak for them.
Being shy in social situations, often seeming to watch and copy other girls’ behaviour.
Having a ‘special interest’ that seems typical for their age, e.g. animals, music or literature- but this interest is much more intense and all-consuming compared to their peers. It may dominate majority of their conversation.
Enjoying arranging or organising things.
Having a strong imagination and often retreating into a fantasy world.
As a younger child, may have appeared to engage in pretend play, but if examined closely resembled a static visual scene (rather than a storyline).
Beginning to noticeably struggle socially as the social world becomes more complex (at the onset of adolescence). This may include difficulties in making and keeping friends.
Seeming immature for their age, including speaking in a tone of voice like a younger child.
Not picking up on the ulterior motives of others due to some social naivety (unfortunately making them “easy prey” for bullying etc.).
Experiencing depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder or epilepsy (although these can occur in the absence of ASD, those with ASD are more at risk of developing these disorders).

If you are considering ASD as an explanation for a girl or young woman’s presentation, consider if there are a number of ‘signs’ present; whether these have been consistent across her life; and whether they are negatively affecting her everyday life and functioning. If this is the case, it is likely worthwhile pursuing a diagnostic assessment to increase understanding and provide better support for her. Feel free to get in touch with us at NCCD and HCCD if you’d like to learn more about the assessment process.

Olivia Smith is a registered psychologist and is completing her registrar program in Educational and Developmental Psychology. Olivia is a strong believer in the importance of working collaboratively with families and other professionals to ensure a holistic approach to child wellbeing. She is passionate about advocating for and working with children presenting with anxiety and/or neurodiversity (e.g. ASD, ADHD and specific learning disorders) and their families. Olivia strives to make therapy sessions engaging, effective and applicable to everyday life, and views the relationship between child and therapist as key to success. Outside of her work at NCCD, Olivia works as a clinician in the area of early identification of autism in children (aged 12 to 36 months) at the Olga Tennison Autism Research Centre at La Trobe University.

What’s normal for a 2 year old?

Children all develop at different rates, and it can sometimes be difficult for parents to know whether their child’s development is typical. For example, other children at mother’s group may appear more advanced than your child, or perhaps a lot of the children in your family were ‘late talkers’. As a parent it is important that you trust your instincts, including suspicions that your child’s development is atypical in some way.

A two-year-old will typically:

Frequently make eye contact with family members in a variety of settings (e.g. to ‘check in’, to direct your attention towards something or to request).
Respond to their name being called by turning and looking at you.
Smile at you when you smile at them.
Point to things of interest in books or point to show you something that is out of reach and turn to look at you.
Follow another person’s point.
Bring things to you to ‘show’ you by holding them at your eye level and looking at you.
Copy your actions after you do them (e.g. pretending to sweep the floor).
Be using some gestures in their communication, such as nodding for ‘yes’, shaking their head for ‘no’ and waving goodbye.
Have between 20 and 50 clear words and is beginning to use two-to-three-word sentences.
Follow simple verbal instructions without you needing to gesture.
Begin exhibiting some pretend play (e.g. feeding a teddy and putting it to bed) and be able to play for a few minutes by themselves.
Show an interest in other children their age and playing alongside them (parallel play).

If you have any concerns about your child’s social development, please do not hesitate to contact your maternal child health nurse or your general practitioner. This will put your mind at ease and ensure that your child gets support if it is needed. We know that the earlier we support children, the better their long-term outcomes.

Don’t use reward charts until you’ve read this!

Olivia Smith (NCCD Psychologist) shares her experience and thoughts about how to effectively use reward charts to help your kiddo…

As a paediatric psychologist, some of my caseload involves direct work with parents. Whether it be by life situation, temperament or a developmental difference- some children are more challenging to parent, and that’s okay! Sometimes parents feel they don’t have a good model to draw on from their own experience of being parented or had a vastly different upbringing to their partner. Other children present with behaviours that exceed their knowledge base and additional skills training is needed.

Reward charts are commonly used to encourage the occurrence of positive behaviours, be this in the home or school environment. Like most things in life however, preparation and implementation are key to success. I have worked with many parents who report having tried reward charts, and they haven’t worked; however, this is often due to a lack of planning or inconsistent implementation. Before you reach for the stickers and laminating machine, consider the following:

It is important that your child is developmentally ready to understand the link between their behaviour, the ‘token’ (for example a sticker on a chart) and the eventual reward that they will ‘earn’. Children at earlier stages of development are not able to understand delayed gratification. Such children will quickly lose interest if getting that star on the chart does not immediately translate to something tangible for them.
Decide on a specific behaviour that the reward chart will track. It is important that this behaviour is something the child has the capacity to do, is clearly defined and is a ‘positive opposite’ of the problem behaviour. For example, if your child is always yelling when you ask them to finish on the iPad, your goal behaviour would not be ‘good behaviour’ or to ‘stop yelling’. It instead could be ‘to take three deep breaths when you are asked to stop using the iPad’.
Consider what is a reasonable timeframe for the chart to cover. For some children this may be receiving a token for every 2 minutes of playing appropriately with their sibling with the eventual reward earnt after 5 such occurrences- for others, this may be ‘saving’ tokens across the course of a month to ‘purchase’ a larger reward. We want to set children up for success, rather than creating goals that are impossible to achieve.
Determine suitable rewards based on different levels of achievement. Rewards do not necessarily need to cost money. They may instead be special privileges, like getting to choose what the family eats for dinner or watches on TV, or activities, such as going to the movies, getting to bake a cake or going to the park. They can also be access to a preferred item. For example, rather than a child having unrestricted access to an iPad, screen time may be dependent on having earnt a certain number of tokens that day.
Ensure that the reward is ‘valuable’ to the child- what their preferences are will change over time, hence it is important that rewards update accordingly.
Ensure that the token is applied to the chart immediately after the occurrence of the desired behaviour and that you give labelled, specific praise. For example, you may say “you spoke to your sister in a calm voice when you lost the game”, rather than just “good job”. A high-five or hug (if enjoyed by your child) also never goes astray!
Do not give tokens if the desired behaviour does not occur, as the child will quickly learn that they will get their reward anyway. Likewise, do not remove tokens- instead if the child does not engage in the desired behaviour, they do not earn a token at that time.
As the child becomes more consistent in exhibiting the appropriate behaviour, you can gradually change the goalposts so that they must exhibit the behaviour more often or frequently to earn the same reward. It is important that any changes be discussed with you child prior to being implemented. Ideally, we are working towards the reward chart becoming obsolete and the behaviour becoming a regular part of the child’s everyday life.
Finally, parents often express that they don’t want to ‘bribe’ their child to behave appropriately. However, reward charts and bribery are different- this is to do with when the reward is being offered. In a reward chart scenario, the link between the behaviour and the token is made clear to the child prior to any behaviour having taken place. In contrast, in a ‘bribery’ situation the child is usually already behaving inappropriately- and hence a negotiating situation takes place, which teaches the child that they should only comply if they ‘get’ something out of the situation. Timing is key.

Keep cool with water play!

What’s the best way to beat the heat and keep your kids from the lure of video games and spending their entire summer facing the screen? Splash your way through this summer with these insanely fun water play ideas!

Water Balloon Pop – tie about 40 water balloons onto the clothesline or a tree in two different colours (team colours!) The object of the game is for members of each team to take turns being blindfolded and wearing a hat with a fork attached. They are then verbally guided by their teammates to their team’s colour balloon, and they need to pop the balloon without touching it. This continues relay style until whichever team has popped all their balloons first!

Beach ball race – Grab some beach balls, some squirt guns, and see who can move their ball to the finish line.

Fill the Bucket – you’ll need two teams, a bucket of water, a big sponge for each team, a container to squeeze the sponge into. Each team gets their sponge wet, runs to the other side, and squeezes their sponge into the container. This continues until one team fills their container or you run out of water. The winning team is the one who has the most water in their container, and they get to dump their water onto the losing team!

Duck, duck, SPLASH! This game is a cool twist to an old classic, Duck, duck, goose. Have participants sit in a circle. The child who is the Splasher has a cup of water and walks around saying “duck, duck, duck”, while splashing a little water on each participant’s head (this also teaches them the art of self-control – to not splash too much water if the person isn’t actually going to be chosen!) When he/she gets to the person who is to be tagged, they yell “SPLASH!!!” and spills the rest of the water from the cup onto the person’s head. The person then has to chase the splasher around the circle to beat them back to their spot, or else they are the new Splasher.

Colour hunt & sort – you’ll need ping pong balls, coloured Sharpies, a net/scooper of some sort, and a big tub of water for this activity. First, start by drawing on your ping pong balls; you can put a colourful star on each ball so that you have around five balls in each colour. Next, fill up your tub of water just an inch or two then grab a scooper. Let your little one explore and play, notice and comment on the colour balls your child picks up. You can set up colourful bowls around the water tub and see if your child wants to pick up the balls and place it in the similarly coloured bowl that matches the ball they pick up!

If you’ve got a pool, grab pingpong balls or wine corks and write down letters and/or numbers on them, and then drop them into the pool. Have your kids collect the letters of their name, the number that matches their age (or two smaller denominations that equal their age) … the possibilities are endless! You can even write the sight words your child is learning at school, review them, and then get him/her to swim and hunt for the sight words.

We hope this has given you some ideas to beat the heat this summer!

Dr Lydia Soh is a registered psychologist who is a huge Harry Potter fan. Her passion for her work comes from a commitment to helping children and families develop their own toolkit of skills and strategies to achieve positive learning, healthy relationships, and mental wellbeing to lead a fulfilled life. Outside of her clinical work, she tutors at Monash University and spends her free time sweating it out at the gym or binging on the latest TV shows on Netflix.