Author: Amanda Abel

Alexander Almendingen – Psychologist

Parenting comes with a range of challenges, both expected and unexpected, and adding separation, divorce, or contrasting parenting approaches can complicate things even further. But the good news is that coparenting offers an effective way to help support your child develop and minimise interpersonal conflicts, as well as create and maintain stability.

Why is coparenting important?

The research evidence around coparenting is compelling: young people who experience healthy coparenting relationships exhibit better emotional regulation, higher academic achievement, and fewer behavioural problems. They’re also less likely to experience mental health difficulties (e.g., anxiety and depression), and are more likely to develop and maintain healthy relationships themselves during adulthood.

In addition and beyond the benefit to young people, parents who develop and maintain respectful and collaborative coparenting relationships report:

• Less stress and conflict in their lives
• Improved work-life balance
• Overall improvements in their own mental health
• Increased self-confidence within the parenting role
• Increased support during decision-making endeavours

What’s involved in healthy coparenting

Healthy coparenting isn’t about being best friends with your ex, but instead is about creating a and maintaining a partnership that is focused on shared priorities, such as your child’s development and wellbeing.

Key aspect of successful coparenting can involve:

• Regular and consistent communication (e.g., check-ins about weekly schedules, events at school, and other important decisions) that is respectful (e.g., respectful tone and language during all interactions, timely responses to messages)
• Collaborative and unified approach to parenting (e.g., having similar rules and expectations across households, discipline styles that are consistent and coordinated, shared values around key activities such as school/education)
• Practicing compromise and flexibility (e.g., adjusting schedules/routines for special events/occasions or emergencies, keeping an open mind when conversing about parenting approaches/strategies, an emphasis on problem-solving and solutions/plans rather then judging or blaming when difficulties and conflicts arise)
• Respecting boundaries (e.g., refrain from negative or judgemental comments about the other parent in front of children, privacy about new relationships until they become serious, clear agreements about household rules and parenting time)

Practical steps to improve coparenting

Mindset as a starting point:

Before diving into logistics, consider your own attitudes, beliefs, values, and expectations. Ask yourself:

• Is my child’s best interest at heart as I am approaching this partnership?
• Am I bringing ‘baggage’ from our previous relationship into discussion around coparenting?
• Am I able to disconnect my feelings about my ex-partner from their role as a parent to my child?

Establish (and maintain) clear communication protocols:

• Choose communication wisely and come to an agreement around this
• Reserve phone calls for more urgent situations/matters
• Keep communication (e.g., emails, texts) factual, observational, and brief
• Consider neutral locations for in-person discussions around more major situations or decisions
• End heated discussions and revisit them at a later time

Establish (and maintain) consistency around routines/rules:

• Working collaboratively around consistency around key routines/rules across households (e.g., bedtimes, homework expectations, screen time limits, chores, consequences for misbehaviours)

Managing disagreements with a plan:

• Use a 24-hr cooling off period before responding
• Focus on specific issues in the present (rather than bringing up past grievances)
• Collaboratively brainstorm and agree on solutions
• Consider medication for ongoing difficulties/disagreements
• Aim for compromise

Handling unique situations:

• Create plans for unique circumstances (e.g., illness, emergencies, schedule changes, holidays, birthdays) and school events/activities (including sporting events)
• Brainstorm and discuss how to manage introductions of new relationships into the dynamic (e.g., during times of re-partnering)

When coparenting feels very difficult

Not all coparenting endeavours will be simple and smooth-sailing. If you’re dealing with high-conflict situations, consider Parallel Parenting. In the event that collaboration and cooperation is not possible, parallel parenting allows parents to maintain their own parenting approach while minimising contact with the other parent. This approach focuses on:

• Parenting plans that cover various scenarios
• Keeping communication limited and structured
• A relationship dynamic that has clearly laid out boundaries and expectations
• Access to professional support (e.g., family therapists, psychologists), when needed

About the Author
Alex is a registered psychologist with a Master’s degree in Educational and Developmental Psychology. He has extensive experience working with children, adolescents, and their families across school and public mental health settings. Alex is passionate about empowering caregivers and creating a safe, supportive environment that fosters resilience, growth, and lasting positive change. Alex is the Clinical Team Leader at the Northern Centre for Child + Adolescent Development

Creativity isn’t just about drawing or making up stories—it’s a critical skill that helps children solve problems, think independently, and express themselves. But in a world full of screens, schedules, and structured learning, imagination often takes a backseat.

So, how do we help kids think outside the box and explore their creativity?

1. Encourage Open-Ended Play (No Instructions Needed!)

Unstructured play is one of the best ways to boost creativity and problem-solving in children. Instead of toys that have one function (like pre-built action figures), give them materials that let them decide what to create.

• Set up a “no-rules” building challenge with LEGOs or blocks.
• Encourage pretend play—playing house, setting up a pretend shop, or making a spaceship out of a box.

2. Let Art Be Messy and Open-Ended

Forget “stay in the lines” or copying a craft tutorial! The best art happens when kids experiment, explore, and make their own creative choices.

• Give them blank pages instead of coloring books and ask, “What do you feel like drawing today?”
• Try finger painting, sidewalk chalk, or painting with unconventional tools (spoons, sponges, leaves).
• Play the “scribble game”—one person makes a random scribble, and the other turns it into a drawing!

3. Storytelling Games to Fire Up the Imagination

Reading is great, but making up stories is even better! When children invent their own stories, they practice problem-solving, emotional expression, and language skills.

• Start a “One Sentence Story” game—each person adds a sentence to build a funny or adventurous tale.
• Use a story jar—write random words (spaceship, monkey, rainbow) on slips of paper, pull out three, and create a story around them.

4. Nature-Based Creativity (The Best Playground is Outside!)

Spending time outdoors fuels imagination, curiosity, and problem-solving skills. When kids engage with nature, they see patterns, colors, and ideas that inspire creativity.

• Cloud watching—ask kids what shapes they see and invent a story around them.
• Collect “nature treasures” (leaves, stones, sticks) and use them for crafts.
• Build a fairy house or tiny village in the backyard using natural materials.

 5. Music and Movement for Creative Thinking

Music activates different areas of the brain linked to creativity and problem-solving. Singing, dancing, and making music help kids express emotions and think in new ways.

• Play different kinds of music and ask, “What story does this song tell?”
• Let kids make up their own silly dance moves and name them!
• Use household objects as instruments (spoons, pots, rubber bands) and form a “kitchen band.”

6. Inventor Challenges: Boost Creativity Through Problem-Solving

Kids love a challenge—especially when they get to invent solutions! Encouraging them to build, create, and experiment helps develop creativity and resilience.

• Build the tallest tower using only spaghetti and marshmallows.

7. Ask Open-Ended Questions & Let Them Lead!

One of the simplest but most powerful ways to boost creativity is to ask open-ended questions that let kids think in new ways. Instead of telling them what to do, give them the freedom to explore their ideas.

• Instead of “Let’s build a castle,” ask, “What can we make with these boxes?”
• Give them leadership roles: “You’re in charge of today’s adventure—where should we go?”

Final Thoughts: Creativity is a Muscle—The More You Use It, The Stronger It Gets!

Every child is naturally creative, but like any skill, imagination grows when we nurture it. The key? More play, less pressure.

Zoe Lazaridis is a dedicated and highly skilled psychologist with a strong background in clinical psychology. She holds a Master of Psychology (Clinical) and a Master of Psychology (Professional).

Zoe’s passion for psychology began during her undergraduate years, where she completed a Bachelor of Psychology (Honours) at La Trobe University. Her commitment to excellence is evident in her clinical experience, where she has worked with diverse populations, including children with autism and individuals seeking mental health support.

Zoe’s research expertise includes conducting systematic reviews and randomized controlled trials. She is also an experienced workshop facilitator, helping high school students build resilience and enhance their well-being. With a strong ethical foundation and a commitment to evidence-based practice, Zoe is a valuable asset to the field of psychology.

Ah, homework—the time of day when kids turn into little stress balls, and parents become homework helpers. As the tasks pile up, it’s easy for everyone to feel overwhelmed. But don’t worry; you have the power to turn this homework chaos into manageable moments of learning.

1. Foster Open Communication
   Think of your child as a superhero—but instead of fighting villains, they’re facing the challenge of Homework Stress. Make sure there’s a safe space for them to share how they feel about their homework. Are they frustrated, confused, or perhaps proud of a tricky problem they’ve solved? Regular check-ins are important! When they feel comfortable talking, you can provide the right support when it’s needed.
2. Establish a Consistent Routine
   Children thrive on routine. Setting up a regular homework schedule can transform this task into a part of their daily routine. Choose a specific time each day for homework—think of it as a “homework time” where they can focus.

For routine ideas, check out PBS Parents – Routines.

3. Create an Ideal Learning Environment
   Imagine a calm study space that makes your child feel ready to learn. Set up a quiet area in your home, free from distractions like TV or loud noises. Ensure they have all their supplies at hand and good lighting to help them see their work. You might even want to add a motivational poster featuring their favourite character!
4. Break Tasks into Manageable Pieces
   Big projects can feel overwhelming but breaking them down into smaller tasks can make them easier to handle. Help your child set specific goals for each study session. For example, they could aim to finish one part of their project or complete a few maths questions. Remember to celebrate these little wins—every step completed brings them closer to finishing!
5. Encourage Time Management Skills
   Time management might sound complicated, but it’s essential for juggling homework. Teach your child to prioritise their tasks. Show them how to use planners or digital calendars to keep track of deadlines. Before long, they’ll be managing their time like a pro!
6. Promote a Balanced Lifestyle
   Let’s be honest: no one does well on a diet of textbooks alone! Make sure your child has time for sports, play, and relaxation alongside their homework. Encourage short breaks during study sessions to recharge. Maybe play a quick game together or draw—learning can be fun! This balance helps them concentrate better and keeps their spirits up.
7. Be Supportive, Not Overbearing
   Finding the right balance between offering help and letting your child handle challenges themselves can be tricky! Offer guidance when needed but allow them to lead the way in solving homework problems. Celebrate both their successes and struggles. Every step they take builds their confidence!
8. Reach Out to Teachers
   If your child is consistently struggling with homework, don’t hesitate to talk to their teachers. They can provide useful insights and resources tailored to your child’s needs. Teachers are there to help and can work with you to develop strategies to ease the homework load.

By encouraging open communication, establishing routines, and promoting balance, you can help your child manage homework stress effectively. Remember, the aim is to create a caring environment where your child can thrive both academically and emotionally!

Zoe Lazaridis – Psychologist – Northern Centre for Child + Adolescent Development

Zoe Lazaridis is a dedicated and highly skilled psychologist with a strong background in clinical psychology. She holds a Master of Psychology (Clinical) and a Master of Psychology (Professional).

Zoe’s passion for psychology began during her undergraduate years, where she completed a Bachelor of Psychology (Honours) at La Trobe University. Her commitment to excellence is evident in her clinical experience, where she has worked with diverse populations, including children with autism and individuals seeking mental health support.

Zoe’s research expertise includes conducting systematic reviews and randomized controlled trials. She is also an experienced workshop facilitator, helping high school students build resilience and enhance their well-being. With a strong ethical foundation and a commitment to evidence-based practice, Zoe is a valuable asset to the field of psychology.

Zoe Lazaridis, Psychologist, Clinical Registrar, Northern Centre for Child Development

Every year on the 30th of March, we recognise World Bipolar Day — a day dedicated to raising awareness and breaking down the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder.

Interestingly, the date wasn’t chosen at random; it’s Vincent Van Gogh’s birthday!!  Back in Van Gogh’s time, there wasn’t a formal diagnosis for mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, but looking back, many believe he may have met criteria.

World Bipolar Day holds a powerful purpose — to help people better understand bipolar disorder and support those who live with it. It’s about bringing people together, sharing stories, and reminding those who are struggling that they’re not alone.

By raising awareness, we can:

·  Encourage kindness and understanding.

·  Help people recognise the signs early.

·  Push for better resources and treatment options

As part of World Bipolar Day, we wanted to share helpful information about bipolar disorder — what it is, how treatment can help, and where to find useful resources and websites.

Definition: Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that brings intense shifts in mood, energy, and behaviour. These changes can happen in cycles, which may include:

·   Manic or hypomanic episodes — Times when a person feels unusually energetic, excitable, or impulsive. Manic episodes can be intense, sometimes leading to risky decisions or poor judgment, while hypomanic episodes are less severe but still noticeable.

·   Depressive episodes — Periods of feeling very low, sad, or hopeless, which can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming and impact motivation.

Understanding these cycles is key to recognising and supporting those living with bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder often begins in adolescence or early adulthood, though it can also affect children. It’s more common than many realise, impacting around 40 million people worldwide — and it can have a big effect on relationships, school, and work.

Learning Helps

Understanding bipolar disorder is one of the most powerful ways we can support those affected by it.

Research shows that effective treatment is built on three key factors:

• Early diagnosis — Identifying the signs early makes it easier for people to access the right support.
• Sticking with treatment — Following a treatment plan consistently improves long-term stability.
• Personalised care — Tailored approaches that meet individual needs lead to better outcomes. (Vedanarayanan et al., 2019)

Bipolar disorder can be hard to understand, and many people go through life not knowing they have it or where to turn for help. This can leave them feeling overwhelmed, confused, and/or feeling very alone.

But with the right support, individuals with bipolar disorder can build strong relationships, achieve their goals, and find stability in their lives.

By learning about bipolar disorder, we can break down stigma, encourage compassion, and provide better support to those living with it.

So, thank you for reading this far and helping to spread awareness this World Bipolar Day.

For those who want to know more…here are some really great resources available online.

Understanding bipolar disorder

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/bipolar

Zoe Lazaridis is a dedicated and highly skilled psychologist with a strong background in clinical psychology. She holds a Master of Psychology (Clinical) and a Master of Psychology (Professional).

Zoe’s passion for psychology began during her undergraduate years, where she completed a Bachelor of Psychology (Honours) at La Trobe University. Her commitment to excellence is evident in her clinical experience, where she has worked with diverse populations, including children with autism and individuals seeking mental health support.

Zoe’s research expertise includes conducting systematic reviews and randomized controlled trials. She is also an experienced workshop facilitator, helping high school students build resilience and enhance their well-being. With a strong ethical foundation and a commitment to evidence-based practice, Zoe is a valuable asset to the field of psychology.

Each year, R U OK Day rolls around so quickly – surprising us here at NCCD! It typically results in a last minute scramble to make sure we are involved in sharing the important message of the initiative. This year, we want to provide you with the tools you need to feel confident checking in with someone who might just be doing it tough at the moment.

While R U OK Day becomes more prominent in the community each year, you might want to know more about its origins and what the initiative is all about. You can learn more here in this short video.

This year the message is about just opening up the conversation with someone who you think might be struggling, and remembering the “no qualifications needed” theme – you don’t need to be a mental health expert; you don’t to provide need answers – the important step is to simply ask the question before listening, encouraging action and finally checking in:

You can start up a conversation by asking “are you okay?” of course, but some other conversation starters could be:

• “how are you going?”
• “how have you been?
• “I’ve noticed something might be going on with you?”

Once you’ve asked, let the person talk to you while you patiently allow them the space.

Encourage the person to take action like calling a helpline, seeing a psychologist or connecting with their GP.

Lastly, check in with the person once they’ve had time to process and take some action.

There’s more info here on the RU OK website. We encourage you to ask the question – it can save a life.

If this topic has raised feelings which are distressing for you, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Amanda Abel – Paediatric Psychologist & Founding Director

Earlier this week I received a late-night email from Madeline Sibbing – one of our Principal Psychologists. It was something along the lines of “I can’t (insert expletive!) believe I forgot to write a blog post about RU OK Day – it is this week”. She mentioned how angry she was with herself.

After reminding her not to beat herself up, it got me thinking about the situation we find ourselves in right now and that Madeline’s 2020 RUOK Day blog post would unfortunately still apply this year as we still find ourselves in the middle of a pandemic, juggling remote learning and working from home. But this time it is different. This year we are all exhausted. We’ve been playing this juggling game intermittently here in Melbourne for 18 months now – with little teasers of ‘freedom’ in between the 6 lockdowns we’ve had so far. And as for the rest of Australia and the world – everyone is struggling in some way or another as a result of COVID.

There’s no doubt that COVID and lockdowns have significantly impacted parents. In fact, the Australian Bureau of Statistics reported in June 2021 that 23% of women experienced high or very high levels of psychological distress due to the pandemic, compared with 17% of men. The same survey also found that more Victorians experienced psychological distress than the rest of Australia. And here we are again – locked down, working from home and remote learning. But this time, we are seeing the impact that 2020 – and the continuation of the pandemic, has had on our children. Hospitals are seeing a significant increase in child and youth mental health admissions, and our mental health system is overloaded with demand for services. Many of the parents I’ve spoken to clinically are experiencing stress about work, guilt about their children’s education and are mentally and physically exhausted.

I share this story with you because Madeline’s feelings of anger at herself might ring true to you. We need to accept that this is NOT a normal situation to be in. We can’t expect ourselves to perform to our usual high standard, remember everything, be the teacher to our kids, support our family and come out of the other side of this pandemic in one piece.

So please, have a read of last year’s RU OK Day blog post, where in 2020 Madeline reminded us to check in with our friends who are struggling. This is still applicable today unfortunately.

And if you need some ideas to keep going through the remainder of this lockdown take some simple steps to help your body’s natural response to stress kick in:

• Slow your breathing down – inhale for a count of about 5, hold, then exhale for a count of 10. Ensure your ribcage and abdomen expand.
• End your shower with cold water or immerse your face in cold water
• Laugh
• Engage in non-screen-based activities that you really enjoy

Some general ideas that can help parents who are working from home with little remote learners by their sides are:

• Set aside time to play and connect meaningfully with your kids (make a list if you find it hard to think on the spot)
• Get physical daily – even if it is dancing with the kids or playing chasey
• Spend time in nature – which is known to reduce stress
• Give yourself permission to say ‘no’ to extra work demands
• Allow yourself dedicated ‘worry time’ – try not to think about work stress until your designated ‘worry time’ each day. This allows you to be more present with your kids and contain your stress so that your reactions to the kids can be focussed on their emotional needs rather than a response to your own stress.
• Try mediating apps (Headspace is great, or even try YouTube for some freebies) – there are some super short 3-minute mediations that you’ll be able to fit in. You can even try embedding meditation into the daily routine with the kids so they can reap the benefits too.
• Be flexible in your working habits, with later or earlier starts or day swaps if needed and if possible.
• Increase structure into your workday by forming some WFH routines (coffee breaks, lunch with the kids etc.).
• You can also increase structure into your kids’ lives which reduces anxiety and difficult behaviours – things like visual schedules, reward charts and house rules can work a treat if used consistently.
• Try to embed fun into your lockdown life. Have a picnic in front of the TV for dinner or camp in the back garden. As important as structure is, we also need some variation to keep a sense of novelty in our lives!

Remember, this won’t be forever so it can help to find solutions that simply work for now. If you need to let things slip a bit with the kids, then that is absolutely what you should be doing. At the end of the day, the most important thing your family needs is to know that you’re all loved – and for your kids to understand that they are a priority in your life. If choosing not to argue over your child’s schoolwork means that you’ll all still be talking to each other by the end of the day, then that’s the option to take. Help is available at Parentline Victoria on 13 22 89, Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 or Lifeline 13 11 14. You can also speak to your GP about a referral to see a psychologist for ongoing support.

Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, and founder of Northern Centre for Child Development (NCCD) and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development (HCCD). She consults monthly in Beechworth in North-East Victoria. Amanda frequently presents at both academic and parenting events, most recently at the 7th Learning Differences Convention in Melbourne and Sydney in 2019 as well as many other events hosted by PR companies in Melbourne. Amanda is media trained, appearing on Channel 7 and 9 News and regularly features in print media. As a contributor to Finch Publishing’s “Working Mums” book, Amanda shared her insights about juggling a business and parenting.

Something I consistently come across in my work with parents of younger children is the dreaded trip to the supermarket. Whether it is refusal from the child to go, resistance during the shop or the unfortunate event of a meltdown in the middle of your supermarket, shopping can be an incredibly stressful experience for parents. In my practice I often refer to going to the supermarket as a ‘high-risk’ situation for parents, and as such it is important to come prepared.

One quick way to reduce resistance during the weekly supermarket shop is to establish a specific task for your child. Tasks can be adjusted to the age of your child and can be made as simple or complicated as need. Examples of tasks include preparing a shopping list for the child to check off during the shop, allocating specific items that the child is responsible for getting or assigning particular items that the child must work out the best bargain for. While adding more responsibilities to an already resistant child can seem counterproductive, providing them with a sense of purpose and achievement throughout the shop is a great way to keep a child engaged and out of mischief.

If supermarket shopping is particularly difficult for your child, another helpful way to reduce the pressure on yourself and your child is to have a prepacked small bag of games or activities. These can include anything from activity books, playdoh, colouring sheets or action figures. It is essential that whatever items you pick, these are not something that the child regularly has access to at home. It is also recommended to pick toys that do not have small parts that can easily get left behind during a big shop. Having a prepacked bag that can be stored in the car and easily taken out at the shops is a great to reduce the pressure of a big shop.

Last but not least, if you are feeling particularly creative another great way to keep children entertained during your supermarket shop is to make a game out of your surroundings. Asking your child if they can guess what item is next in the trolley from your clues or to spot which of their snacks has a particular letter, number or colour in the packaging is a great way to entertain and teach at the same time.

Remember, whichever activity you choose, the more fun and inclusive you make it, the more likely your child is to stay engaged during your shop.

 

Laura Moresi is a psychologist at Northern and Hawthorn Centre for Child Developmentand is completing the Educational and Developmental registrar program. Laura is passionate about working collaboratively with families and other professionals to support children and adolescents to reach their best potential. Laura has experience working with a variety of development and mental health concerns.

‘Sharing is caring’- how often do we say that to kids?! Parents often bemoan the fact that their child seems unwilling to share things with their siblings or their peers at playgroup or day care. Sharing is an important skill that we use throughout our lives- so how do we teach kids to do it with minimal fuss?

The first thing to remember is that it is developmentally appropriate for children younger than 3 years old to be possessive of their things. They are still in what we term the ‘egocentric stage’- that is, the belief that the world revolves around them and everything belongs to them. It is unreasonable to expect very young children to share, and indeed their play at these ages tends to be ‘parallel’ in nature.

So, what about when they are older then? Here are some suggested tips:

• Remember that sharing is a skill that is learnt like any other, so your child needs opportunities to practice it, as well as your praise and encouragement.
• Model sharing and turn taking yourself (in your interactions with your child and with others)
• Support them in play by talking them through the steps (e.g. “I’ll put the square in first, then you can do the circle”).
• Before other children come over to play, talk about that they will need to share some things (and put away any very ‘special’ toys).
• If two children are fighting over a toy, remove that specific toy for a short period of time.
• Remind them how they would feel if they did not get to have a turn.
• Use a timer (e.g. they can play with it for 2 minutes before it is the next child’s turn).
• Use language around ‘turn taking’ rather than ‘sharing’. Also remember that a child may be confused when you say they are ‘sharing’, but then do not get that thing back (e.g. if you ‘share’ their biscuit!). Try to keep your language as clear as possible.
• Sometimes take a step back and let them develop their negotiation skills- they will get there with practice!

 

Olivia Smith is an endorsed Educational and Developmental Psychologist at Northern & Hawthorn Centre for Child Development and is a strong believer in the importance of working collaboratively with families and other professionals to ensure a holistic approach to child wellbeing. She is passionate about advocating for and working with children presenting with anxiety and/or neurodiversity (e.g. ASD, ADHD and specific learning disorders) and their families. Olivia strives to make therapy sessions engaging, effective and applicable to everyday life, and views the relationship between child and therapist as key to success. She is also a certified SOS-feeding therapist.

 

Olivia Smith, educational and developmental psychologist at Northern & Hawthorn Centre for Child Development shares some insights for you…

It can be a confronting realisation for parents: you buy your child yet another toy, or clean up after them, and there is not one ounce of gratitude. You might reflect that your own childhood was completely different- why does your child not realise how lucky they are?

Changes over time mean that more children are (often inadvertently) spoilt than ever. Parents tend to be more time poor and lack the energy to ‘fight’ their kids; they want to give their child all the things they did not have as kids; and modern technology, in which everything is available at the click of the button, means this generation is not used to the idea of having to wait. And yet we know that children who are ‘entitled’ usually end up unsuccessful and unhappy as adults. So how do we address this?

 

 

• First, remember that you are your child’s parent, and not their friend. Your job is to prepare them for life as an adult, which may result in disappointments along the way. It is okay for your child to not always ‘like you’. In the long-term, children feel more secure when clear limits are in place.
• Be clear in your expectations of your child and stay firm. Do not engage in arguments with them, ignore ‘whining’ and stay calm.
• It is okay to say ‘no’. Experiencing some adversity allows us to grow.
• It is reasonable to expect your child to do things they can do themselves. If needed, you can put extra supports in place, such as helping them write a checklist or getting them to pack their schoolbag the night before.
• Implement some natural consequences. For example, if your child is too rough with something and breaks it, do not replace it straight away.
• Teach your child the life skill of delayed gratification (e.g. I must wait until Christmas for the toy that I want).
• Completion of certain tasks should be expected as a ‘contribution to the family’. You can however offer pocket money for additional tasks that go above and beyond this, but this only works if the pocket money is contingent on completing the tasks. This teaches your child that they must ‘earn’ what they want. Older teenagers should be encouraged to engage in part-time work for similar reasons, needing to ‘save’ for big purchases such as a new phone or their first car.
• Model expressing gratitude and encourage your child to engage in these practices, such as writing thank you notes for gifts. Regular giving to and participating in charity work as a family also teaches your child important life lessons.

 

Olivia Smith is an endorsed Educational and Developmental Psychologist and is a strong believer in the importance of working collaboratively with families and other professionals to ensure a holistic approach to child wellbeing. She is passionate about advocating for and working with children presenting with anxiety and/or neurodiversity (e.g. ASD, ADHD and specific learning disorders) and their families. Olivia strives to make therapy sessions engaging, effective and applicable to everyday life, and views the relationship between child and therapist as key to success. She is also a certified SOS-feeding therapist.

 

Olivia Smith – Educational and Developmental Psychologist atNorthern & Hawthorn Centre for Child Development

It goes without saying that for most kids, different events are a BIG DEAL. When it is their birthday, they are SO EXCITED. When they lose their favourite toy, they are SO SAD. And when you tell them they need to turn off the iPad now and go to bed… that is SO UNFAIR. Sometimes these emotional reactions seem totally out of proportion to what has occurred and can seem baffling and overwhelming to parents. How can we help our kids manage these big emotions?

It is important to remember that children’s brains are still developing, and this also applies to their ability (or inability) to manage strong emotions. Emotion regulation is not a skill we are born with, but something that grows as we mature over time. Importantly, it is largely a learnt skill, and something we must explicitly teach kids. What does this look like?

 

Well, first of all, we need to help children identify what emotion they are feeling. Kids will often respond that they are feeling ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and lack the emotional vocabulary that adults have. As adults, they need us to label their emotional experience, e.g. “I can hear that you’re really disappointed that we can’t go to the playground today”. This act of naming an emotion is powerful for a child as it makes it a tangible thing they can manage. Acknowledging what your child is feeling does not mean you are necessarily agreeing that it is a justified response but shows your child that you are there for them.

Children often also have difficulty knowing what to do in each moment. It depends on the age of the child, but you directing them towards a calming activity- such as blowing bubbles to support slow breathing, receiving a firm hug, drawing or bouncing on the trampoline- teaches them strategies that they themselves can implement in the future. When your child is highly emotional, the rational part of their brain has gone ‘offline’. As most parents would know, trying to verbally reason with a child when they are escalated is a futile process. For this reason, wait until your child has ‘recovered’ before opening a problem-solving discussion about what they could do differently next time.

Remember, the more your child practices emotion regulation, the better they will get at it. It takes patience as a parent, but you play a vital role in your child developing emotional intelligence.

If you’re keen to learn more about how to respond to your child’s emotions, paediatric psychologist Amanda Abel (founder of Northern & Hawthorn Centre for Child Development) has created an online mini-course jam packed full of tips. It’s called Responding to your child’s BIG feelings and you can get it here!

Olivia Smith is an endorsed Educational and Developmental Psychologist and is a strong believer in the importance of working collaboratively with families and other professionals to ensure a holistic approach to child wellbeing. She is passionate about advocating for and working with children presenting with anxiety and/or neurodiversity (e.g. ASD, ADHD and specific learning disorders) and their families. Olivia strives to make therapy sessions engaging, effective and applicable to everyday life, and views the relationship between child and therapist as key to success. She is also a certified SOS-feeding therapist.